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Top 3 jokes of the month June

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Offline Timi Dapsin

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Top 3 jokes of the month June
« on: June 27, 2014, 09:06:55 PM »

Akpan was hungry and went to Mai Shayi's. The
dialogue transpired between thembr /> Akpan: You get loaf of bread?
ABOKI: yes
Akpan: bring one; slice am into two and put two
sachet of butter
in between.
ABOKI: (happy and thanking God for bringing
customer )
Akpan: You get egg?
ABOKI: yes customer.
Akpan: fry 6 eggs put am inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer.
Akpan: You get sardine for inside gongoni?
ABOKI: yes customer everything dey.
Akpan: put two gongoni inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer
(happy and doing as he is told, already enthusiastic
that he'll make a lot of money 2day)
Akpan: you don finish?
Oya press the bread together for me.
ABOKI: See am customer, i don prepare am finish.
Akpan: OYA CUT N10 Naira OWN FOR ME!!

Mumuni walks into a bar and orders a double,
obviously upset.
"What's the matter, buddy ?" asks the bartender.
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who
invited me back home. We tripped off our clothes
and jumped into bed and were just about to make
love when her goddamned husband came in the front
So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the edge by my fingernails without any
clothes on!'' ''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the
bartender. ''Right, but that's not what really got me
When her husband came into the room, he wanted to
have s*x with her -- but he had to * first. And the
lazy son of a b*tch pissed out the window right onto
my head! " ''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy
mood." ''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really
really made me mad.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning
and when they finished the husband tossed his
condom out the window. And where does it land? On
my goddamned forehead!''
See, what really pissed me off was
when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out
that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his a55 out of
the window and let loose right on my head!'' ''That
would sure mess up my day." ''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but
do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed
me off ?
When I looked down and saw that my feet were only
SIX inches off the ground!'

Mumuni, who was in a mental hospital was being
reviewed for possible release.
When asked what he would do if released, he replied,
"I am going to make a slingshot and come back here
and break every * window in the
place."Obviously, his release was denied.
Six months later, the board was again considering his
release and again asked him the same question. His
reply was the same."I am going to make a sling shot
and come back here and break every * window in
the place." Again, he was turned down.
Several months later he was complaining to a fellow
patient that he could never seem to get released. The
patient asked him what he said when they
interviewed him, and Mumuni told him.
The patient said, "You will never get released with
answers like that. You have to tell them what they
want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to
answer them when they ask you questions."
So, after considerable coaching, Mumuni felt that he
was ready. So when the board met again, they again
asked him what he would do if they let him out.
But this time he was ready. Brad said, "I am going to
get a job, find an apartment and settle down."
"Good," they said, and then what ?" He said, "I want
to meet a nice girl and start dating." They agreed he
was making real
progress and asked, "And then what ?" "One night
when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to
make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to
take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie
her down on the bed."
"Yes," they said excitedly. "Then I am going to gently
remove her panties," he continued. The board
members were really getting excited now and asked,
"Then what are you going to do ?" He
said, " I am going to take the elastic out of those
panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and
break every * window in this place!

;D ;D :D :D

Offline livinggod29

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Re: Top 3 jokes of the month June
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2014, 06:22:52 PM »
 :) :) :) ;D ;D ;D

One more Joke !!
John decided  to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's  minivan and headed north.

After  driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible  blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the  attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend  the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out  there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm  recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours  will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't  worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And  if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The  lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and  settled in for the night.

Come  morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.  They enjoyed a great weekend of skii ng.

But about  nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an  attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he  finally determined that it was from the attorney of that  attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He  dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you  remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at  on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.

'Did you, er,  happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the  house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Keith  said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have  to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give  her my name instead of telling her your  name?'

Keith's face turned beet red and he  said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.'  'Why do you ask?'

'She just di*d and left me an estate of 50 million dollars.'

And you thought the ending would be different, didnt you?
« Last Edit: July 02, 2014, 02:52:57 PM by Timi Dapsin »


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