Akpan was hungry and went to Mai Shayi's. The
dialogue transpired between thembr /> Akpan: You get loaf of bread?
Akpan: bring one; slice am into two and put two
sachet of butter
ABOKI: (happy and thanking God for bringing
Akpan: You get egg?
ABOKI: yes customer.
Akpan: fry 6 eggs put am inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer.
Akpan: You get sardine for inside gongoni?
ABOKI: yes customer everything dey.
Akpan: put two gongoni inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer
(happy and doing as he is told, already enthusiastic
that he'll make a lot of money 2day)
Akpan: you don finish?
Oya press the bread together for me.
ABOKI: See am customer, i don prepare am finish.
Akpan: OYA CUT N10 Naira OWN FOR ME!!
Mumuni walks into a bar and orders a double,
"What's the matter, buddy ?" asks the bartender.
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who
invited me back home. We tripped off our clothes
and jumped into bed and were just about to make
love when her goddamned husband came in the front
So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the edge by my fingernails without any
clothes on!'' ''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the
bartender. ''Right, but that's not what really got me
When her husband came into the room, he wanted to
have s*x with her -- but he had to * first. And the
lazy son of a b*tch pissed out the window right onto
my head! " ''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy
mood." ''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really
really made me mad.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning
and when they finished the husband tossed his
condom out the window. And where does it land? On
my goddamned forehead!''
See, what really pissed me off was
when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out
that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his a55 out of
the window and let loose right on my head!'' ''That
would sure mess up my day." ''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but
do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed
me off ?
When I looked down and saw that my feet were only
SIX inches off the ground!'
Mumuni, who was in a mental hospital was being
reviewed for possible release.
When asked what he would do if released, he replied,
"I am going to make a slingshot and come back here
and break every * window in the
place."Obviously, his release was denied.
Six months later, the board was again considering his
release and again asked him the same question. His
reply was the same."I am going to make a sling shot
and come back here and break every * window in
the place." Again, he was turned down.
Several months later he was complaining to a fellow
patient that he could never seem to get released. The
patient asked him what he said when they
interviewed him, and Mumuni told him.
The patient said, "You will never get released with
answers like that. You have to tell them what they
want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to
answer them when they ask you questions."
So, after considerable coaching, Mumuni felt that he
was ready. So when the board met again, they again
asked him what he would do if they let him out.
But this time he was ready. Brad said, "I am going to
get a job, find an apartment and settle down."
"Good," they said, and then what ?" He said, "I want
to meet a nice girl and start dating." They agreed he
was making real
progress and asked, "And then what ?" "One night
when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to
make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to
take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie
her down on the bed."
"Yes," they said excitedly. "Then I am going to gently
remove her panties," he continued. The board
members were really getting excited now and asked,
"Then what are you going to do ?" He
said, " I am going to take the elastic out of those
panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and
break every * window in this place!