Cool jokes to alter your mood
An American lawyer and a Nigerian are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Nigerians are so dumb that he can fool them easily..,....,. so the lawyer asks if the naija guy would like to play a fun game. The nigerian is tired and just wants to rest, so he politely declines and tries to catch some sleep. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun "I ask u a question and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only 5dollars; you ask me one and if I dont know the answer, I will pay u $500.
As naija no be dull guys naau, this catches the nigerian's attention and to keep d lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks d 1st question "what's the distance from earth to the moon?
The naija guy doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out 5dollars the hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the omo naija turn. He ask the lawyer, "what goes up a mountain with 3 legs and comes down with four?
The lawyer uses his laptop, searches the internet and even the Library of Congress. He sends emails to all his smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After 1 hour of futile searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the naija guy and hands him $500. The nigerian pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going crazy not knowing the answer.
So he wakes the naija guy up the asks, "well, so what goes up a mountain with 3 legs and comes down with four? The nigerian reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer 5dollars and goes back to sleep.
A famous inspirational speaker said:"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife...............
"Audience was in shock and silence. He added " she was my mother". (A big round of applause and laughter)
Mumuni who was part of the audience decided to try cr*ck this at home. After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the KITCHEN "best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"................... * Mumuni stood still for a while, trying to recall the second line of the speaker.*
By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed,recovering from BURNS OF BOILING WATER!!!
Ofego: pastor, I have sinned.
Pastor: my son, wat did u do? just confess wat u did exactly.God Almighty will forgive you.
Ofego: (sobbing), pastor I committed adultery with several of the female church members.
Pastor: can you mention their names and how many times you slept with each of them? You see for your forgiveness to be complete, you need to mention them so that we can also prayfor them.
Ofego: aaaaah pastor I can't, I am ashamed.
Pastor: okay this is what we will do; after service, we will go to the church entrance together and watch members come out, once anyone you ve slept with comes out, just say 'PAU'. The number of times u say 'PAU' will indicate d number of times you slept with that particular person.... And so they went to the church entrance.
*Head usher passes wriggling her buttocks*
Ofego: pau pau
pastor:the Lord forgive you my brother
*decon's wife passes carrying her bible*
pastor: may the Lord forgive you.
*a choir member passes singing*
Ofego: pau pau pau
pastor: God will forgive you. Yes, he will.
* Lo and behold, pastor's wife passes by and Ofego goes off like a machine gun*
Ofego: pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau paupau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau paupau pau pau pra papa pau
pastor: yeeeeeepaaaaa!!! shocked na Sango go kill you! angry God punish your father! God will never forgive you. angry
RULES OF FOOTBALL WHEN WE WERE KIDS
1. The fat kid was always the goalkeeper
2. The owner of the ball decides who plays.
3. Penalties awarded only if injured player curses a lot.
4. The match only ends when everyone was tired.
5. No matter how many goals you score, the winner will be determined by the last team to score.
6. No referee and lines men. You could run with the ball even behind the goal post.
7. If you don't participate in repairing the ball you were given a match ban.
8. If you're picked last, you're a loser.
9. The guy who's never picked was to fetch the ball from the tree when it got stuck,under the car or tunnel to play in the next game.
10. When the owner of the ball gets annoyed, game over!
11. You were allowed to change a goalkeeper in case of a penalty.
12. the most skillful player gets automatic selection.
Ofego was being discharged from a Mental Hospital after doctors thought he was finally back to normal. He was put in an ambulance to be taken back home. He claimed he knew the house so he led the doctors. They took him to where he claimed he lived.
Just as they approached a certain house, two kids, dressed in uniforms came out of the house. Ofego
screamed, "Those are my children going to school!"
A minute later, a woman came out of the same house and Ofego screamed, "That's my wife, she is late for work!" This time, the doctors were convinced Ofego was ok and took him out of the ambulance but was still in chains.
Just as they were about unlocking the chains, a man came out of the house and Ofego screamed, "YES! THAT'S ME GOING TO WORK!" grin grin