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STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)

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Offline Timi Dapsin

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STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« on: September 21, 2016, 12:06:35 PM »


Story Brief

Please” please “please i beg you”

This statement did not cease from my mouth as i kept receiving slaps and kicks from ladies and guys in the compound, the pot of hot white beans still balanced on my head..

It was not until someone came and told them to collect the pot from me as it may fall as the beating get serious and that was the only food himself and 3 other neighbors dey share...

Hardly had he removed the pot, when another rain of slaps descended on me.... Two guys held my hand firmly as if their existence depended on it so there was no way i could run or even attempt to. Before i could say johnbull, i was already on the floor.

All my cries of please hear me out fell on deaf ears as the punches and slaps continued,  I could remember how Mummy chiomobi behaved vividly..

The quiet Mother of two is a primary school teacher in one of the government schools around, that day, i saw her unleashed the Undertaker and Lieukeng in her.

On sighting her, i was grateful to God that someone i knew was finally going to beg on my behalf , I was shocked when she took a mop stick and started banging it on my head seriously.

The last thing i remembered was one of the guys going inside and coming back with a Pestle.
My name is boo osin and i was not always a thief that steals pots with food on fire.
Everything has a beginning ......






« Last Edit: September 21, 2016, 12:09:23 PM by Timi Dapsin »



Offline Timi Dapsin

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Re: STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2016, 12:17:22 PM »
Episode 2

Before the election, i was a Strong advocate of Change, i could virtually die for buha at that time.

Na change we want, Na Change we want.
Early momo, i go don wake up dey blast Olamide’s Apc change and all other campaign Jingles from my speaker.
I removed the ChelseaFC banner in my room and i put Apc campaign posters for there, Buha gap tooth smiling elegantly at my face before i go to bed.
 Every morning after prayers, i do peck his picture.

Sometimes, i do wake up in the middle of the night to pray for buha and his change agenda sometimes I do this stark Unclad. Not to forget the mountain prayers with three days fasting in which i did not eat anything into my mouth.

All my books na hin i wrap with newspaper pages where buhari face dey and customized two of my shirts Change we want and Apc for progress...

Ase i was a fool and i didnt know



« Last Edit: September 21, 2016, 12:24:44 PM by Timi Dapsin »

Offline Timi Dapsin

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Re: STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2016, 12:26:58 PM »
EPISODE 3

I used buha as my screensaver and i was always on every thread online shouting Sai baba sai baba like a zombie.

All this while shingba 5kobo no enter my account, but i was just being patriotic.

This issue of Change caused me and some people to go separate ways. The issue of buha no buha is why me and my pretty girlfriend nneka seperated and i sent her packing from my hostel. She was not going to support buhari and i wasn’t going to take that.

Even though i loved her, my love for buhari was greater and more important.

On election day, i was there from morning till 11pm when all the votes were counted in my presence and I almost di*d of hypertension from prof jega constant break during compilation of the results.

Finally, finally we got the change and i was very excited. I threw a celebration party that made me drop 25k. But it was small money to me at the time.

I went to give testimony in church and donated five thousand naira which i pledged that if buhari win, i will drop.

I went to open a new bank account where i will be collecting the new 5k the government promised the youths and started pricing some items online in respect of the one dollar one naira policy...
 
Shior.

Offline Timi Dapsin

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Re: STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2016, 12:35:18 PM »
EPISODE 4

I never sabi say na trailer wan jam me and my family so.

One month, two months, three months,   baba was still travelling around the world iyayaYAYA, baba now joined the ajala travel gang... Jackie chan 90 days around the world 

Sharp baba, baba is making international connections,  i would say.

By this time wey i dey talk all this one and still showing small small support, i don dey use ponmo chop my stew and garri was steady becoming my favorite “appetizer”. I started hiding my indomie cartons in my wardrobe with padlock.
I don start to dey go greet people for evening when i sabi say food go don dey near to do.

I know sabi say na poverty and hunger contract i dey sign small small.

Papa works in the local government and mama is a primary school teacher, it was not until February of this year before i knew that i have entered one chance and that really, Kosere ni moscow.
 By this period, buha daura cows were getting fatter than i was......

Papa that was sending 50k monthly couldn't send up to 10k again.   All my tactics to defraud him about textbooks and the rest no enter again as he started making private investigations about my course outline from lecturers.

Daddy, daddy i need this book in school, 5000 naira sir.

Within the next 10 minutes, my Dad would call back and inform me he has confirmed from the lecturer that the book is not in the curriculum.
How he did this i never know till date, i now became very close ally with Google and e book stuffs as kudi no dey to buy any yeye textbook again. 

My MUM that was usually the last resort has not received her salary for 6 months. 

Even my elder brother (not blood brother ) who claim he was into yahoo yahoo and used to help me if land dry that time was telling me that the change wave as hit his business , yahoo no yahoo anything for am again... . 



Offline Timi Dapsin

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Re: STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2016, 12:41:48 PM »
EPISODE 5


My Papa would Complain bitterly that all the small small, kuru kuru they rake in from here and there as been blocked as everyone is afraid of being caught,   The bosses that do give Egunje to them once in a while never eat belleful not to talk of giving nada to anyone. ;(

Papa collect loan, collect loan sotey he tire, even the treasurer of his cooperative society was hit by wave and absconded with cooperative money up to a million naira. I remembered two of the members fainted that fateful day and papa had to be admitted for seven days in mama chukwu the nurse house.

If i call house, papa go vex talk to me, i call mama, na so so cry cry, and make i dey fire prayer and e go better talk she go dey yarn.

Na me be first born followed by 5 other siblings so no uncle or aunty to even run to.

All the people that i use to set time to go visit for when them go don cook finish started to give me signals. Sometimes i will see their shoes outside and the roommate will say they have gone out, Some started saving cold yesterday food for me knowing i will arrive soon and some even told me point blank to stop coming to their house.



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Re: STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2016, 12:46:56 PM »
EPISODE 6

In my hostel everyone was complaining, the girls with boyfriends left our hostel and moved in with boyfriend in order to augment the situation.

The only person that seemed buoyant in these echoes of hard times is an ugly girl in the opposite flat but we were not on talking terms.

She was always eating fruits like orange, pineapple, apple and especially cherished banana a lot.

The aroma from her room was always smelling stock fish, Egusi sometimes ponmo and cow beef aroma will escape and start causing thoughts to my brain but i could not make a move to ask her for food because since the day she begged me with tears in her eyes and stark Unclad in my room to have s*x with her and i wore her clothes on her and stated that i was not interested despite all the touching, romancing, holding my thing and rubbing against me stark Unclad, she has hated me passionately.

I just couldn’t bring myself to committing the act of reproduction with her and i had to send her off from my presence.

Be gone"  i said to her.

She started keeping malice with me and i no send am but these aroma coming from her side this days ehn.
 And no doubt she was a good cook.

Wetin i go con do now God?



Offline Timi Dapsin

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Re: STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2016, 12:54:36 PM »
EPISODE 7

Better friends i no get, I was even better than most of them sef. These ones into yahoo yahoo, Pushing of Shh shh (Robbery) and other acts of lucifer told me that the era is not one to be dashing free money anyhow and if i need money, i had to join them.

Haha, ki la gbe ki le ju, My feeling was not with such acts so i declined.

I tried my hands on betting with the small money i was getting and i specialized in Aja sanre (dog race) bet and Nigeria premier league but it was a disaster back to back. The highest i won ever was 750 naira.
 Even the bet numbers i collected from isaku, the mad man failed to work for me, twice despite working for many people earning them a lot of money.

I tried to join laborers in carrying blocks at sites on Saturdays. After doing it twice, i had to run for my life as alomo and ogidiga plus rob could not cure the back pain and suffering i experienced after those days. The fact that i couldn’t attend lectures after those days and All that work for a meager 1200 naira discouraged me..

And here i was, debts upon debts. Iya kunle provisions has warned me not to come to her shop again until i pay her money and iya Suliat raw food and stock fish shop almost poured water on me and insulted me in front of suliat who i wanted to parol the last time i visited them.

No babe i could call to help me as i have separated with my pretty nkechi in the interest of buha and the nation.

And now hunger they wire me so, hunger dey deal with me and wan turn my wande coal body to 9ice.

I was already looking for rope and a nearby banana tree to commit suicide when an incident triggered my first ever pot stealing

Offline Timi Dapsin

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Re: STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2016, 01:05:34 PM »
EPISODE 8

I was still contemplating on the color of the rope to commit suicide with when i finally decided to go to one of my friend side who we have since quarreled and seek for his forgiveness.

Even if na 2 cups of garri and rice make i manage am take survive.

I wore my garment of humility and set for his house about an hour journey from my home. I wore my good luck toms and set for his house with my own legs sweating profusely under the sun.

The last five naira on me i could not even use it to buy water as sachet of pure water is now 10 naira.

Finally, i got there and unfortunately for me, he was not at home.

Haa, the devil is a liar, today na today, if i no see this guy i no go go house.

30 minutes, 1 hour pass, my guy never come and i no get him number. Even if number dey, credit to call no dey. Even mtn customer care don call me to repay my debts or they will blacklist my sim, me i just ignore them.
Blacklist nkor, Reddington ni.

I was still there waiting when the aroma of a nearby cooking red beans penetrated into my nostrils.

My stomach was already singing tonto dikeh and vic O songs and i could not take it any longer.

I tried to see the face of the person cooking the tasty food and lo and an behold it was a guy.

But the way the guy bone him face take dey cook the food, dey carry salt and pepper put inside the food with strong face, approaching him to please help me with some of the delicacy might be a wrong decision to make.




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Re: STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2016, 01:13:49 PM »
EPISODE 9

I watched with hunger and grief as this guy added the ingredients into the pot of beans, the kind hunger wey dey gbam me fit make me vote for donald trump.

I was fighting a battle with my consciousness as to how i will talk with this bros to help me with the food.

One voice was saying steal it and go while one was saying seek permission. What will Jesus do in this situation?

But ogbeni forget jare, the hunger wey dey gbab person now no dey during Jesus era.

I was still unsure about what to do untill i saw this guy adding crayfish. Person wey dey add crayfish to beans this kind periods go surely gallant small.
God forgive me please.

I looked around left and right and took a step of faith, slightly removed the lid and tasted the food and oh my God.
It tasted so good, or na the hunger make the food sweet for my mouth?

I was still taking the 2nd taste when i heard voices in the house conversing about the food.

"ope, the beans don done?
No, adio, e remain small?
Tor, you sabi say na me, you, samuel, hezzy and eljay dey chop am. Make e no burn oo.

The other guy replied: “You don forget say seyi and izrael sef go chop, i go go check am now sha.

And here i was, with a pot of beans that would hardly satisfy me on a normal day and about 8 people are conversing on eating it.

My initial plan was dropping the pot from fire and eating enough to fill me up and leave the rest for them but my plan had to change after i heard someone saying. The beans supposed to done.
I noticed a black nylon on the floor and f-f-f-f-fffffia,



I WAS GONE.

Offline Timi Dapsin

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Re: STORY: How I Started Stealing Pots With Food On Fire (PART1)
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2016, 01:19:12 PM »
EPISODE 10

I tried to imagine the kind of expression on the faces of the guys as i usain bolted through the passage and straight to my house.

I immediately poured the food in a nearby cooler in the kitchen and locked myself inside where i sat down the manna from above and ate it with garri, my meal for the past 3 days.

Even the Jehovah witnesses that brought the good news of christ didn’t make me move an inch

And indeed, stolen bread is sweet.

By 10pm, with my hand gloves on, i went to return the pot to a easily noticeable place around the house and wrote with my left hand, a two page apology letter giving reasons for my act.

I spent six hours the next day asking for forgiveness and explaining to God why i had to go for another mission of such.

I knew from henceforth, i was really into the business.

So i started full time. And like a serious worker should, i acquired my tools.

Gloves, two bagco sacks and my number one tool

a Big Food flask.





CLICK HERE FOR PART 2
« Last Edit: September 21, 2016, 01:31:36 PM by Timi Dapsin »

 


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